Before reading this article, I want to preface that this will be a more personal blog post that recounts my own experiences. Let’s call it Getting Real with Nicky.
At the start of 2022, as we were attempting to find normalcy following the pandemic, the first thing I said to myself was, “No resolutions!” In fact, this was a resounding opinion amongst many of my peers and most people I knew. Why? Because resolutions, in my humble opinion, is a load of rubbish. In fact, “loaded” is the perfect word to describe it…resolutions are loaded with unrealistic expectations; loaded with frustrations; and worse so, loaded with disappointment. At least that is how it was for me.
But I was not the only one of this opinion. In a few of my presentations with clients, I asked them the question, “how many of you have successfully completed your resolutions in the last 5 years?” and in every presentation less than a handful raised their hands.
Instead, what I decided was to begin a tradition of setting an intention for the year. Something with less contentiousness or expectation. What I wanted was to have goals but not feel the guilt or disappointment at the end of the year if I was not able to achieve them. I wanted my goals to act as a guideline as opposed to feeling hostage to my own resolutions. And so, I decided on choosing a single word that would describe the year that I would like to have; a word that I would, in the months to come, use as a means to reset my thoughts, failures, and actions. Some might consider it a reminder, others might call it a mantra of some sort.
The word I chose was, FREE.
It was from this word I would then set my intentions for the year. I decided that I wanted to be free from my anxiety or worries that held me back from taking risks or making big decisions; free from fear; free from my self-doubt and negative thoughts that humbled me more than I deserved; free from anything stopping me becoming a better version of myself.
This word was what gave me purpose for the year because every goal I set was with the intention of being supported by this word. I began to focus on the journey of reaching my goal, as opposed to the end-goal. I knew, that even if I did not reach my goal, I was moving in the right direction because I had the right intention.
So, you might be asking, what was the outcome? Well, I can honestly say I never expected my life to take the direction that it did. Truth is, most of the goals I set for myself never came to fruition. In fact, BECAUSE I made the conscious decision to live my life more freely, my life changed, and the goals I had set did not support me on my new journey and the evolution of my new life. The saying that comes to mind that describes this experience is: “task failed successfully”.
So, how did my life change?
1. A life-long dream came true
This year I had a child. This was something I deeply wanted for many years (probably a decade of hopes), but never pursued because of so many fears that I had! Fear about it impacting future plans I had, fear I would not be good enough, fear I would find out I was not able to bear children at all, fear of miscarriage or loss…fear, fear, fear… the list goes on. I had to take time to process this fear through meditation, prayer and therapy; until eventually I decided I wanted to go on this journey. Take the plunge and see what happens. And as I write this, my child is strapped to my chest and not a moment of regret has passed my mind.
2. I made big career moves
I have many passions and wanted to incorporate them in my work. As a result, I have a position that now focuses on my interests; I did side-work for my company that I love, and will have the opportunity to continue and expand in 2023; and I pitched an idea for the coming year that could possibly define my place in my career. For me, the meek and anxious type, this was huge progress that I would have never achieved without reminding myself to be free.
3. I became brave
Throughout my life, I struggled with self-confidence. I would always purposely make myself smaller because I never thought I was good enough to be in the spotlight. Since becoming “free”, I began unpacking my mental state and building myself up. I realised that if I could take so many risks, I am able to keep taking more. I became more comfortable with holding my breath and diving in the areas that I wanted to pursue. This isn’t to say I don’t still have doubts. I still have an internal battle with myself, but the difference is the mantra, “I choose to be free”, has become a stronger weapon. This process taught me to have faith in the journey because it will lead me to the place I NEED to be, rather than the place I WANT to be.
What does this mean for 2023? This means that I will be choosing another word for the year, and putting my faith in the journey to come, again. I challenge you to do the same.
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Look out for more Getting Real* blog posts in the future. Thank you for reading our very first post from the series.
*Getting Real is a blog series that discuss the very real and very personal experiences of the writers that share their stories.
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